Getting to know me.

In an attempt to up my credentials. I'm offering a 25 things you may not know about Ruth blog. It's the stuff that dateline would see to print if I ever became more than just a desperate housewife, and since you guys take the time to read my meanderings, I want to share it with you. 

Don't say I didn't warn you. 

1. I am addicted to diet coke. I drink no less than 44 ounces in a one day period, and should my body discover that there is less than that coursing through my veins, you will find me convulsing, shaking, and muttering something about needing keys to a car with a full tank. I tell you no lies. 

2. There are 14 bottles of perfume on my dresser, and I make an attempt to spray at least 4 of them on me, 3 times a day. I feel it is only fair to the makers of such perfumes, that I equalize the scents. and not favor one. My current favorite combo is Juciy, true religion, with a spritz of Ed for that fruity flavor men can't stand, but I adore. Good thing I'm not currently in the market for one. ( a man that is).

3. I vacuum my carpet once a day whether it needs it or not. You cannot see my bed due to the current clothes mountain that dwells upon it, but my carpet woud be approved by the surgeon general for sterile operations. I am that girl.

4. I can run 5 miles without thinking twice about it, if my ipod is in full effect. Take away my music, and I couldn't walk fast to a 50% off nordstoms sale. The music makes it possible people.

5. I believe in watching no television, until it comes out on DVD. I see no reason to wait weeks at a time for a show to complete what I need, and keep me hanging, when I can avoid all spoilers for a year or two, head down to my local Target, and purchase it on DVD. I've grown fond of the Office, Veronica Mars, 30 rock, and Prison break. 

6. I despise the heat. I feel it is a tool of the devil. I would much rather wear a coat, and furry boots to keep myself warm, than to try and thwart off the suns rays with nothing more than a fan and some tanning lotion. I am always hot. Not in the sense one of my age would like to be, but rest assured, heat is always radiating from my pores. 

7. I have never TRIED to get pregnant. I am what the mormon people call " A Fertile Myrtle". IF I were to have named my children after the form of birth control I was using when they were concieved, we'd have, Ortho, Depo, Nuva, and "The Patch". 

8. I have no singling abilities WHAT. SO. EVER. When I joined the choir at church at age 11, I was pulled aside and asked if I would mind helping watch kids in the nursery. I knew then that American Idol was a dream I would never achieve. This however does not stop me from belting out Redneck Woman once a month at Karaoke with Courtney, but it does keep me from taking the bag off my head until it's over. 

9. I joined the Air Force when I Was 17 years old, and somehow missed the memo that basic training WASN'T girl scout camp. After being dubbed Airman Paul Mitchell, and being told I lacked discipline and the cajones to finish basic... I buckled down, got serious, and graduated. WITH HONORS. Take that Sgt. Perez. Airman Paul Mitchell. In the house. 

10. I am a natural at writing, but cannot complete a math problem to save my life. During my 2nd year in Algebra I, (no, I didn't come back as a teachers Aide, I failed). My teacher told me to disregard the large poster that said math is critical to your future, and to hope for the best. Actually what she said was, get a tutor, but I like to pretend it went differently. 

11. My life was not fully complete until the introduction of the iPhone, into it. I cannot wear pants without pockets, because reaching into my purse would require more time away from it, than I am willing to give. I love it. It completes me. And with the addition of the fart for free application, I can now say it does IT ALL. 

12. I am Britney Spears' biggest fan. When she shaved her head, I almost offered to send her my hair. I felt they may revoke my BS fan club privlilges if I got too weird, too fast, but I was at the ready if she needed me. I have loved her since the second I saw her on the stage at the mall in 9th grade. I knew then that she would be my girl crush, and that years later, I would be dancing to her music with my very own children. We shared a moment. Ok, so maybe it wasn't mutual, but I like to think sparks flew... 

13. I have no natural talents, but I do this thing we've dubbed "expressive dancing". I can turn any food you enjoy into an art form, that rivals anything you'd see at the Met. If my singing fell through, I planned to fall back onto this to make a living. You'll notice I'm still in the poor house.

14. There are 2 movies in this world that I can quote WORD FOR WORD. Clueless, and dumb and dumber. Both rate a 5 on the intelligence scale, and win me no points with anything that matters, but it's a good day when I find myself being able to answer a question with a line from either of these. " An my buns, they don't feel nuttin' like steel". 

15. My first job was Burger King. They nominated me for Burger King, Burger Queen at the tender age of 16. I could take money and hand out food faster than Paris can spend a Benji, I would have been manager Fer SURE had I not had that nervous breakdown under the table after being accused of scratching my butt and not washing my hands. Um hello. Had I needed to scratch, I would have at least had the decency to do it under the cloak of the large freezer in back!

16. I remember what everyone was wearing the first time we met. I can tell you anything about your clothing choices, with any memory that we have together. It is a sickness. But seriously . Ask me. 

17. I am a speed reader. I inherited this from my mom, and to this day, I can read most books in 2 hours or less. This bodes well for me now more than ever since my days are filled with important things like facebooking, and myspace surveys. Who has time to spend 3 days reading a book? Not me. 

18. I was voted most likely to have 10 kids in 8th grade. Little did I know, I would be halfway there before I could legally rent a car with decent rates.

19. Taco bell is probably the best invention EVER, other than that things that scrapes dead skin off your feet. I can think of no other place that delivers the deliciousness of guacamole, cheese, and mediocre meat products, for less than $2. 

20. I make up nicknames for people, mostly my children, and find myself using them more than their actual names. Mia, to this day does not know her real name is Emma, not Mullet Mia, and Charity is going to be in for a real suprise when nobody calls her Nani at school. I realize I need to work on this. But hey, I still answer to roofball. 

21. My body will not allow me to sleep before midnight. It is physically IMPOSSIBLE. It matters not what time I awake. If I'm out before 2, it's been a long day. You'd think having kids would rid me of this?

22. I have a crush on Channing Tatum that runs deeper than any Indian blood my father swears is hidden inside. I realize this makes me juvenile, and I am so far below what his perfection deserves, but honestly people. HAve you seen this guy??

23. I've been issued 24 speeding tickets since I got my drivers license. I've paid 1. No, I'm not currently wanted for unpaid tickets. I'm just that good at getting out of them. I know. I need to slow down. I figure I have my 30's to drive slow. The time to live is NOW!

24. I think toes are disgusting. Especially naked ones. I refuse to leave my house without a pedicure, or at the very least, a coat of nail polish. I carry one in my purse just in case. You never know who you're going to run into.

25. My bigget weakness is children selling things outside of stores. I find my ability to deny them unavailable, and have the popcorn tins, Girl scout cookie fatrolls, and metal badges to prove it. Sucker. That's me.

Comments

[ilona]

Bahaha You're Amazing.

[Jason]

Thanks for the info. I just started following you becuse of some of your favrd.com tweet selections and have not been disappointed yet. Spectacular.

[kristine bents]

two posts so close together - LOVE it. thanks for sharing... you definetly have a natural talent for writing.

[Nikki]

Love it...I think you even got pulled over on your way to church when we were at Ft. Rucker:)

[Anna A.]

Okay, now you've got me wondering. What was I wearing when we first men and dined with sexy waiter boy and TGIFriday's??

[Anna A.]

should have read AT TGIF... lol

[Molly]

Gotta love ya, girl! Seriously!:D And you are not the only one who can't seem to go to bed before midnight and it has only gotten worse since having kids. :P flipping kids, i tell ya, ruining a good thing like sleep. ;)

[Karen]

omg. you are too funny! i love this post. and, yes, i have seen channing tatum and he is running a close second to chris daughtry!

[amy lapi]

wow. we have a lot more in common than i originally thought. i have about 20 speeding tickets and i have to ask you to further exaggerate on this point. please. :)

[Denise Morrison]

How do you do it?
love every word Ruth.

[Sasha]

you need to hurry up with your book ...

[jordon g]

Love it! Absolutely love it! I wish this was blogger so I could follow this, but I will subscribe. Great job! I'm still giggling.

[Lisa]

OK name my attire the first time we met! And do tell what my nickname is. I will stalk you forever until you answer these two questions.

[mattigee]

lovely post. Thanks for sharing.

The reason for 21 is 1, you can't get to sleep before midnight because you're wired with Aspartame and Caffeine.

The reason for 6 is also 1.

And the reason you'll die of a brain tumour is also 1.

Please, if you do actually drink all that Diet Coke, cut down.

Seriously.

You're a lovely, smart woman contributing to the world, it would be a shame to loose you early.

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[muskelaufbau]

Thanks for sharing this.
we have a lot more in common than I originally thought. I have about 20 speeding tickets and I have to ask you to further exaggerate on this point.

[r4 revolution for ds]

You are providing most useful information. It's really good. But this time i am not decide for your ticket. If you give me free then i am always ready.

[Melanie Douthit]

Merry Christmas, Ruth! Been thinking about you. UPDATE YOUR BLOG please! xoxoxox

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