downward spiral. at least it's not a perm.

eVer notice that the one dude in the cul-de-sac who seems the most likely to help you with your groceries, is the one who's wife hates you the most? 

no thanks. I'll carry in my own butt wipe and string cheese.

I'm not sure if it's my newfound love of just being myself and not trying to please a world of women who will never actually be pleased  with me, or the realization that I'm 27 years old and no amount of judgmental behavior is going to change who I am. Britney said it best when she said, love me hate me say what you want about me. Then again when you sell out the MGM in the first 3 minutes it's a little easier to sing songs about "if you seek amy." 

Thanks for the vent Ruth. Have anything we actually care about to discuss? Why yes. I do. 

I've gone and done something that I dare say I never thought I could do. No. I haven't opened up an edible panty store. Soon though.

I've taken out my weight in student loans, and I've done the necessary paper-work to become an official college student. I thought long and hard about what to wear on my first day of school, and finally decided on some Abercrombie 2 sizes too small sweatpants, and a matching I brake for seals hoodie. AFterall, I will be attending online. NO need to go all  out.  I'll save that for virtual graduation.

I've wanted to go back to college since the first time I stuck my hand down the commode to retrieve something that shouldn't have been there in the first place. I however realized early on that it wasn't going to be an easy task, and back then, when computers were still something you had to have an entire room dedicated to for storage, it just didn't seem plausible. Lucky for me, the introduction of college to the web is about at prevalent as Hannah Montana footwear in an elementary school gym class. Therein making my quest for knowledge, and a higher social standing, that much easier to come by. NOt that being an unfit mother of 4 who's only release is the hourly updates to her facebook and twitter statuses isn't fulfilling. SOmetimes. YOu just need more.

(Speaking of twitter. I'm shamefully plugging my own. I figure with Britney up to 949,000, and Oprah well on her way to matching her followers with her worth on the New York Exchange, I  might as well get my share of the twitter pie. I'll be thrilled to reach 50.  http://twitter.com/mikeruth427)

So. For those of you who don't facebook, and haven't been subjected to the uploading of my current time wasting shenanigans. I'll take this time to update you as quickly as possible.

1. This is me. Now. The beginning of my weight-loss journey.

I'd key some touching theme music, ala Eye of the Tiger, but I'm sadly html retarded, and it might interfere with the rest of the post. 

2. I'm still cleaning the scrapbook room. I've submitted my photos to clean house. They responded with. HA. hahaha. REgretfully yours. Clean house. I'm not giving up. I never do. I may still be searching for red carpet with my pacemaker, but I will finish. 

3. My kids are still adorable. As if that was even a question. 

They find the time once a day to make me take back my utterances  of who are these kids and why are they calling me mom. 

4. I'm still trying to potty train the worlds most feral, adorable 4 year old, and having ZERO success. I'm pretty sure OJ's Lawyer has more chance of getting him out on good behavior than I do of getting this girl to PRe-K sans huggies. I need HELP. I've never had the issues I'm having with her in any of my other children. She's just, how do I put it. Different. Absolutely. Different. She's beautiful. She's funny. She's smart. (she's so my kid) but she has no basis in reality! I realize neither do I, but I'm 27. It's alot more socially acceptable. And I don't have to bring a pull-up for my play dates. She does.

I'm having her seen by the school again this week to see what they can suggest. She has been evaluated so many times, and it all boils down to being stubborn. And having no desire to grow up. I've been there. I'm still there. I can't really fault her for that.

As you can see, my life doesn't change much from day to die. I attempt to cook. I light things on fire. I try to get skinny, I eat my weight in Recess peanut butter cups. I try to accomplish more, I end up signing up for yet another absolute time wasting device and downloading it's comparable application from the app store. I'm pretty much going downhill. Which is fantastic when I'm on skis, not so great when my victory lies at the top. I'm not giving up mind you. That would be redonkulous. I'm just opting for more. Finding balance that doesn't include yoga positions. Finding happiness, that isn't based on another human, and finding the real me. Not the photoshopped version I'm so fond of putting on display.

Thanks to all those who support my blogging, or lack thereof. And those who keep my trudging forward in a time when backwards seems so much easier. 

I dedicate my successes to you. And should I not succeed. I'll need my virtual trophy back. Those things arn't cheap you know.

Comments

[Mary]

What classes are you taking? I hope you'll love it. I can't wait for my online classes to be done next week.

[NikkiH]

Girl you're looking good, I seriously think you are way to hard on yourself when it comes to weight loss, I only wish I looked as good as you do!

What courses are you taking with your online schooling?

Have I told you how awesome I think it is that you're keeping up with the blogging ;) I was totally missing this! Now we just need some scrappy goodness posted up there and it's all good! :)

Nikki

[corinne delis]

WTF I wish I looked like you, you rock girl go for it! I love reading your blog entries and am always happy to see you posted again in my bloglines. I always save your post for last to read, because I am actually reading every word of it, which I can't say of the other blogs I scan.

corinnexxx

[sharon]

Looking really good!

When you figure out the 4 year old potty issues, let me know. I have a 10 year that can't seem to poop on the potty.

[Nikki]

Hello lady!!!

Good luck with school...you will do GREAT!

ummmm...you look good...soooo stop:)

Well, my 3 year old is heading that way. Does not even want to try anything but the diaper!uggghhh......

[Kate]

I don't know you...you don't know me...but I LOVE your blog. You are hilarious! Gorgeous! Witty! And an amazing scrapbooker to boot. Way to hang in there girlie.

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Hey...I have been coming to your blog for a couple of weeks now. I have found your honesty to be very inviting. There are not many of us that just post reality for the way it is.

Good-luck with school.

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