Forever 27

Call me juvenile. Call me immature, call me the girl with the peter pan complex, heck, call me mom if you want, everyone else in this house does, either way, there is no running from what what I am currently suffering from.

I call it Forever 27. Slighty sloganized from the extremely cute, yet not very well made clothing and accessories store, Forever 21. I will not confirm nor deny shopping at such a place, but let's just say I have a friend, who has a friend, who knows this guy, who's girlfriend shops there. And occasionally, the things she buys, fall apart. Like the hand bag she chose to sport tonight on her million mile march through the golden gates of one awesome establishment, known as Golden Corral.  It was there this friend of a friends purse, decided to give way under the 23 pounds of opposed gravital pull, AKA, CRAP, inside said bag. She was carrying the "bag", and not one, but 2 children, both of whom are more than capable of walking, but know that when I'm wearing the really cute boots, the friend of  a friend may have also purchased at this store, I lose all sense of balance.

So there's me. And 4 kids. And approx. 1034 other military veterans waiting in line for our "free" calorie laden buffet, and the bag, which I will from here on out refer to as, the assailant, falls onto the ground. Revealing the contents, of one woman, who not only needs a purse intervention, but perhaps a coinstar. Included in this droppage, were the following, highly sensitive and classified items:

1.Tampons. LOTS. And LOTS. of tampons. I belive I bought the largest box they had at the gas station, and decided that "you just never know", I might need them. All 36 of them. In the next 24 hours.

2. 1 iPhone. Which at the exact moment of the release of the tampons, decided to ring, playing yet another evidentiary proponent of my refusal to grow up. My theme song. Britney spears. Piece of me. (Let it be known to be said, after seeing all the goodies I own laid out in such a crude manor, NOBODY will be wanting a piece of me.

3. 1 bottle of Alli. As if the fact I had the entire pack of tampons in my bag wasn't back enough, I have now given the crown reason to belive that I might be suffering from severe anal leakage. I mean not to offend, but let's face it, the first thing they thought was, " I wonder if she's having "THOSE" side effects?

4. Diapers.Oh yes. See because not only do I have a 1 year old, who loves to play in the toilet, rather than use it, I have a 3 year old, still deathly afraid of SITTING on the thing, let alone using it for it's intended purposes. Diapers are a must in a bag such as this.

5. 1 bottle of Acai Berry.  Oh yeah squared. Sign number 2 I'm the fat girl trying to lose weight, while standing in line for the worlds largest buffet. 

5. Approx. $134.54, in pennies. I actually had to stop the children from collecting all of them, once the veteran bus arrived, and the nice men begin to turn against the small ones for reaching between their legs in attempts to gather the useless pennies, we called it quits. Times are tough people. Change is a good thing. At least the kind that comes in silver and bronze, but even I have my limits.

6. One pair of cutterbee scissors. The last sign that a scrapbooker once dwelled within my sphere, and that my children have far too many hair brained schemes that involve the stealing of one such pointy pair of scissors, and the attempted smuggle of them into first grade. Apparently the ones in his class are "not sharp enough" to create the cuts needed to make the transformer snow flake he so desired in art class. I'm just glad this isn't the same teacher who was forced to view the "towel" from last years outrageously embarrassing debacle. Small tender mercies.

7. 3 sticks of deodorant. count em. 3. The girl with the leakage, apparently has a severe sweat gland issue as well. I cannot even begin to explain how 3 sticks ended up in my purse. I only know that from now on, I will apply my sweat soaker, BEFORE leaving my house.

8. a razor. As if the rest of the bathroom in  my large bag wasn't more than enough, I had to have a razor too. Heaven knows those people are running for the door by now.

9. 2 bottles of perfume. I'm officially looking for a place to hide with all the odor fighting items in  my bag. There are some who have probably taken this time to assume these are for the aforementioned Alli, and the side effects it may be having.

I would go on, but the novel which would surely result from the rest of the stuff that was blocking the entrance to the veteran salutationm would bore most.

I only offer this up to you, to let you see why it is I am forever 27. As I was picking through this debris, and trying not to cry, it became apparent, that Forever 21, is not for me. Not that they don't have cute stuff, not that I couldn't tease my hair, and pretend to be 21 for another few days, but Forever 21 has proven that they don't have what it takes. A woman with a purse load such as mine, requires a bag that holds far more than just a cell phone, and some lip gloss for the days events.

It was a wake-up call.  Just the kind I needed. I've been through the lowest of lows this past year, I haven't shared most of it with anyone that reads this cobweb covered hootinanny, but it sucked. There are no other words. Suckfest. Right here.

Through it all, the only thing I could count on were my kids. MY kids. These beautiful little kids, who have never once doubted me. In all my shenanigans, in all my attempts to thwart lifes trials with cuteness in the form of matching shoes and tops, THEY loved me. For who I am.

And what exactly am I?

I am 27. I am not old. I am not perfect. I am not a role model for mothers everywhere. I am not a perfect representation of anything. I am out of proportion, I am confusing at times. I have faults. Thousands of them. I don't have all the answers. and I probably never will. 

And that is ok. Who knew? Well I didn't. But I do now. I even made a page about it. I call it, lost and found. The journaling reads:Lost: 1 girl. Brown hair. No clue what she wants. Last seen, on the verge. SIze 12, Answers to Ruth. Found: 1 woman, Streaked hair, Still no clue what she wants, getting much closer though. On the verge, but of bigger things. Size 10, hopefully dropping. Answers to: Nobody.

I also created a few other pages in my desire to break free from the chains of social reclusiveness... 

 It didn't work.

But I did manage to use some cute pictures I had been dying to see on a page. And my dearest Chittyarie, (so dubbed by hers truly) is a feature on both. So cute, that one.

All in all, my day was a bust. I am still 27. I Am still fat. And I still have no desire to ever turn 28. But I do know that being 21 isn't going to fix anything. Not even the strap on my adorable brown bag. I have surrended the mini-van back to the enterprise powers that be, in exchange for a truck, as the van rendered me unable to get to my mountain dwelling, and ended up in a head on collision with a volvo. Who knew soccer mom cars could be so fiesty? So yeah. Life still rocks.

Nothing changes. But I am doing better. I am figuring out where to go from here. And I am making the necessary decisions to be that girl who is happy. Whether she is 21. Or 83. (Mark my words, I will live to be at least 83). At least I will if I can kick the diet coke habit. One thing at a time. That's my motto. I leave you with a photo. A photo of me. turning my back to the days of childish self indulgences,  and chocolate bars, and looking to what lies ahead. Whatever that may be.

I'm ready.

Comments

[sharon]

What a wonderful post! Thank you for the chuckle and well, please don't tell me you use those tampons for the severe anal leakage. ;)

[vee]

girl you are so awesome!! I love your sense of humor and this post and you are awesome!! love your layouts and enjoy the 20's girl! :)
xo

[Haggith]

thanks for the laugh. Sorry, I HAD to laugh....I just turned 39 today. I'm waiting for life to begin....they say it does at 40. :)

btw: are you sure you didn't spill the contents of MY purse??? Cause it contains the same ingredients....only I have about 10 packages of chewing gum as well.

[Denise Morrison]

freaking hysterical Ruth! Oh god we've all been there, or will be there and somedays looking in the mirror is a scary thing. mostly because we don't recongnize who we are staring at and not because of our pant size. suck fest? yeah I so hear that but Ruth you have a gift...I hope you laugh like I do reading your posts!
It's different for every woman..that feeling you have right now, and it comes at different times (for me it was 31) but I promise it will go away at some point and then you'll feel hotter and younger than you do now...promise!!
oh and the layouts--amazing!

[rachel whetzel]

I love you, Ruth. Thanks for the laugh at your expense!! lol You and I have much in common... but I'm a little older than you. It's not as bad as you're worried it might be. :)

[venus]

great post. Loved it. And 28 isn't that bad. I fought it too, but that fateful day in August still showed up and I turned 28. Although, if anyone asks, I'm 23.

[Jenny Dziekan]

Gasp. How do you do it? I'm laughing out loud with tears spilling down my cheeks. Trying to stifle my giggles as my 5 are asleep upstairs. thank you.

[Anabelle]

You are too funny. I told you you need to write that book! First, size 10 is NOT fat...you look HOT!Love the layouts. Is it possible you're getting even MORE talented? As for age, my 20s sucked, 30s were great and I'm happiest at 40 plus. So, embrace the coming of 28. Trust me, it gets way better.

[Average Girl]

Love the blog!

Golden Corral? LOVE IT. My DD fav. restuarant.

Come to think of it, are you sure we are not sisters? Funky chunky hair, same size, kids, blah, blah.

BTW - I added you to my roll. :)

[Debbie C.]

You amaze me with your ability to take any random event and make it freakin hilarious!! I agree with the poster who said you need to write a book. I bet you would make Oprah!! Glad to see you blogging again and love your scrapbook pages. Hang in there- it gets better!!

[Debra]

Awesome! Love you Ruth. Love reading your blog, rings so true of all of us. You look great!

[tara pollard pakosta]

girl,
i love your realness.
thanks for being so honest and keep on enjoying those precious kiddos, cause when it comes down to it, they are the thing that will always make you smile and like you said, they will always BELIEVE in yoU!
hugs girlie!
tara

[Erin Campbell-Pope]

Fantastic post! I needed a laugh tonight :)and I can so appreciate what you wrote since I've been there myself.

Thanks!
Erin

[Kristine]

Hey Ruth! It is so great to have you back blogging! Your posts are always a day brightner, your humor on life is a lesson for all. Keep them coming...

[laura vegas]

this post was hilarious ruth! seriously ... you have such a way of writing! and i love that first layout ... it's perfect! keep hanging in there ... things can only get better, right!

[Holly Hanks]

See... there still is a scrapbooker lurking about somewhere in there. Love your pages. And, thanks for the laugh first thing in the am. Ya' know, I think my purse is from Forever 21. Maybe I should switch it out before I head out Christmas shopping in a couple hours. You know... lest the strap break, and spill the embarrassing contents that are my life out all over the floor at Hobby Lobby.

[Stephanie Howell]

i pray we will be at the same post one day. b/c you would make me pee my pants laughing every single day.
heeee!xo

[gayle]

I am 65! Still loving life and my family. In my mind I am in my 40's and I think I have a lifetime left to be and do everything that I want to do. I would love to be a size 12! You are beautiful and oh, so talented. Gayle

[Heather Prins]

I swear this had tears of laughter rolling down my cheeks, I can so relate in a weird way! I have passed your blog onto to many just so they can read it and I even posted this particular post on my blog - you crack me up.

[Linda]

ROTFLMAO. Girl you rock!!!!!

[Dondrea]

I can totally relate to the purse situation. I was searching for my keys the other day while on the elevator at work and pulled out all sorts of garbage trying to find them. This lady on the elevator with me looked at me like I was homeless or something. Lesson I learned: Pull out my car keys before leaving my desk. Lol! It'd really make more sense to just clean out my purse, but that could take days. Hope you're having an awesome Thanksgiving!

[Sandi in FL]

You are TOO MUCH. If you ever tire of your AMAZING art gift, you obviously have a gift for writing as well. Seriously. You posted this on my 44th birthday. 21 was a lifetime ago, and 27... well, almost as long! But, I don't doubt so much anymore. Hang in there, it really DOES get better!!! =)

[Jenny P]

So freakin' funny! I am so glad you came back to the blogging world to share your humor with us. It is original and real, and although it may be a suckfest for you, I will tell you that the only direction you can go is up. So hang in there. You have definitely had a tough year - take it easy on yourself. But I'm also curious about that acai berry. Does it even work?????

[Sally]

Anabelle is right. Things do get better. You have a great sense of humor that is such a gift!

[Melanie Douthit]

Ruth - you never cease to make me smile. I've been thinking of you! You look great and I love your pages. :)