The crap. Hath hitteth. The fan.

Of course, I reside in Alaska, where ceiling fans are about as rare as the appearance of underwear on yours truly's favorite mother of the year. I still can't help but notice every time I get all the crap together, I forget to tie the bag closed, and fweeeep. All over the place it goes. Of course this attracts the children, and I now how crap everywhere. Way too visual I'm certain, but that's how it goes.

If throwing tantrums were something I'd get away with, I'd totally take it upon myself to have one, such as Charity does at just about every opportunity. And the one that I'd choose to have, would not be accompanied by a face like that. Even on a child as cute as herself, that face poses no evidence of such beauty. Tis best to leave tantrums to those who possess the appropriate pouting skill.

I. At this time. Do not.

Even the nectar of his most evil does nothing to quell my troubles. I've practically given it up. By practically, I of course mean I now only drink 44 oz. As opposed to 68. baby steps. Always.

My small hiatus of things included making layouts that were forever late. Relinquishing some of the things I had just decided to take on, and trying to convince the ER Doctors, that I don't just drive the 50 minutes there to find solace and peace. I really have sick kids who need something. Imagine that.

The snow did finally melt, rendering us able to once again walk on the roads without fear of losing life or limb. Which is always good for fat roll removal. I'm down to 159. And my goal is 140. Think I can do it? Let's all say it with me. I think I can, I think I can. If my petition to get Pizza put on the acceptable dieting food list goes through, I will be one step closer to where I need to be. If not, I may have to settle for this. Either way. The pizza stays.

Ok. A few layouts. I ask that you not point and throw sticks, they are far from what I would normally consider post-able layouts, but with all the Havoc that was being reeked upon us, I had to settle for less than my best.



yes. Once again, I've managed to create more layouts with 1 photo, than those with more. I tried. Honest. I tried really hard.

We had some fun over the weekend and threw a party for Charity. We kept it to the minimum in people and invited my friend Courtney, and her lovely children. Who really are lovely. I'm not mocking. Honest. My kids and hers get along smashingly, so I figured why mess with a good thing. There is only 1 month left of school, and then begins the fun of an Alaskan summer. We'll do things like, go fishing, camping, try not to get run down by moose and other Alaskan wildlife that may or may not be friendly.

See, we love animals here on the Kirby plantation. But teaching the kids that petting large things, like moose, is taking some time. I for one would be absolutely scared to death of a moose at their age. They however, not so much. Take for instance, last week, when this giant creature began tapping on the glass with it's large and in chargeness, begging to come in. ( Pay no mind to the windows that need washed like 100 times over. ) It's Alaska, clean windows are the least of our concerns. So. This beast, saying hi, and all of a sudden, My children, decide to open the window, to pet him! Pet. Yes. Like, it's a bunny, that will wrinkle it's nose at you. I don't think so children. Moose are not our friends. Lucky for them, the moose was more scared of them, then they were of it, and no harm was befallen. I just have to make sure next time Molly the moose, ( a name they so aptly chose for the creature with the large nostrils) comes back. I am there. To thwart the play date attempts. Yes. That is what I must do.

It's probably more information than you care to have, but I've locked myself in the bathroom to keep the howler monkeys at bay while I pretend to go to the bathroom. I however think they're onto me, and know I'm not actually relieving myself, so tis probably best I open the door and face the world with a smile. Or something somewhat resembling one. I don't know that I could force one today if I tried. I have alot of catching up on emails, and layouts to do, not to mention the household chores that are beckoning with the same amount of enjoyment as a can of Diet Pepsi. But I'm going to drive forward. I must. I cannot afford to give up. Yet. =)

Comments

[Brooke]

OK, so you must know, that I am sitting here LMAO!!!!! You crack me up! Guess mainly as one mom to another it is ALL ~SO~ true. I think I can.... and I will sign your petition on the pizza. Keep up the weight loss! I'm at 31.5 lost, but have much farther than you to my own goal. Your LO's friggin ROCK, as usual!!!! Molly is quite cute. I could see how the kids would want to give her some love. Snort. Hope you have a great week. Forward we must go.

[Kelly]

I think you can I think you can! I'll sign your petition for pizza if you sign mine for tacos. And at least your kids can have tantrums off the floor, mine always throw their bodies on an invisible grenade for the full "look at my mom, she sucks" effect in public places...

[Wendy Reed]

Girl... you are totally ridiculous, I love it! LOL

You can do it with your weight, I know you can! COME ON GIRL!!! Whoot Whoot! Don't make me start sending you nakey pics of me... bwahahahahaha.

Ummmmmmm yeah, we didn't clean our windows much either when we lived there. LOL I was NOT about to freeze to death for the sake of seeing wth was going on outside.

Smiles,
Wendy

[Kelly]

DANG! Look at that Moose, wouldja! (and YES, I mean the one outside the window ;)) I miss you girlie and I love getting these updates from you. I only wish it were going more smoothly for you. I'm always here if you feel the urge to reminisce about KY springs ;) XOXO

[lynn]

lmao at your comments. facing the world w/a smile and snort is the way to go. beats crying because i don't cry pretty, although as gorgeous as you are you could probably pull it off. love your lo's as usual. and molly the moose - kids. kinda makes you understand why some species eat their young. lol!

[Denise Morrison]

once again I have spit most of my evil beverage on the computer screen because laughing that hard would have made me choke if I didnt spit! Ruth....oh the cleverness of you!! I live for the days you lock yourself in the bathroom and update the damn blog..and with eye candy to boot!! You will get to 140, the snow will melt, the wild animals tamed and your layouts? My heart is a little racey right now and I need to go so I can calm down...YOU are AMazing!

[Shawn Lahr]

Are you freakin' kidding me??? Those layouts rock for one thing.

You are just amazing. Your writing is incredible.

159??? I would kill for that at this point. SO, yes...you CAN do it!!!

[christi]

First..I LOVE the layouts! Awesome work!

And I can completely understand the fear of the moose..we get those here in Washington too.
Right up in our yards. Looking at the bumpers of our cars. Scaring the crap out of us.
But they are really awesome aren't they?

As for the weight...you've made it this far, you can get to your goal! (and where is the petition for the pizza..I needta sign it.)

[Dina]

You can lose the weight, girl, and eat pizza. :) I eat two pieces of good, cheesy, high-crusted pizza a week, and I seem to still be losing (for now). LOL!

[Amy]

Let me go ahead and throw a stick at you for thinking those layouts aren't fantastic!
Alaska- I might cry if we ever go stationed there, LOL @ the moose!

[Tina Aszmus]

Hey Ruth, lurked on your blog for a bit but had to chime in about the petting of moose. I, as an adult, am way more scared of these things than when I was a kid. Our first year here we were feeding moose from our deck and petting it as if it were a horse until our neighbors saw what we were doing a scolded us. That damn moose came back for a week looking for apples from 2 clueless AK newbies. anyhoo, your scrappies are fab!

[Leslie Ashe]

DANG! Now that's what I call a MOOSE! LOL!! That's hilarious!

Oh Ruth..you are always inspiring me and you did it AGAIN!! I LOVE your layouts! WOW!!!!!!! Fabulous stuff girl...

BIG ol' hugs for you...
~Leslie

[Anabelle O'Malley]

Wow, check out that moose!!! Only in Alaska! LOVE the layouts. They are amazing. And as for the weightloss, you can do it. Eat that pizza, too, there's plenty of calcium and lypocene in there. ;)

[Erin K]

I'm not sure where I found you... clicked one blog, clicked another, you know how it goes. Anyhow you are WICKED funny, really super talented. You have beautiful kids and great hair.

I can't wait to see what you create next!

~erink

[Kim F.]

Hi, Ruth! I am a face from the past - from our Eye Candy Kit days! I've always been inspired by your work. I was perusing your blog today and stumbled upon some of your past layouts. I just loved the flower treatment on a layout with the title, "Bloom" and I created this card (link below.) Hope you like it! I want to turn that pout into a smile:)

http://www.scrapinstyletv.com/portfolio/view_layout.php?layout_id=95168&gallery_type=main

~Kim

[Brenda Hurd]

lurker here too - just wanted to throw the stick at you too for thinking those layouts are not worthy - they are BEAUTIFUL! Thanks for making a girl laugh!

[Pandachu aka Jessie]

UR writing is incredible and ur creativity rocks! My first time to ur blog but it certainly wont be my last!

[Holly Hanks]

Well, I still LOVE your LO's. I have no idea what you're talking about...what is this "non-postable-ness" you speak of??? They're gorgeous! And, from one Alaskan to another...I had to laugh at the moose story.

[TammyH]

How are ya? Miss your posts -- hurry back:) Hope all is well.

[Kip]

Just a lurker, not even sure how I got here but enjoyed your blog and esp the moose!!

Kip

[NikkiH]

I hope all is well with you Ruth. I think your layouts look fabulous! I can't wait to see more!

Nikki

[Kimberly Kwan]

YOU CRACK ME UP!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tania]

hey ruth........come back! miss laughing at your witty take on life.

[CindyF]

you don't know me ... i don't know you, but just have to say those are layouts are gorgeous.