Learn to Swerve.

The crap. Hath hitteth. The fan.

Of course, I reside in Alaska, where ceiling fans are about as rare as the appearance of underwear on yours truly's favorite mother of the year. I still can't help but notice every time I get all the crap together, I forget to tie the bag closed, and fweeeep. All over the place it goes. Of course this attracts the children, and I now how crap everywhere. Way too visual I'm certain, but that's how it goes.

If throwing tantrums were something I'd get away with, I'd totally take it upon myself to have one, such as Charity does at just about every opportunity. And the one that I'd choose to have, would not be accompanied by a face like that. Even on a child as cute as herself, that face poses no evidence of such beauty. Tis best to leave tantrums to those who possess the appropriate pouting skill.

I. At this time. Do not.

Even the nectar of his most evil does nothing to quell my troubles. I've practically given it up. By practically, I of course mean I now only drink 44 oz. As opposed to 68. baby steps. Always.

My small hiatus of things included making layouts that were forever late. Relinquishing some of the things I had just decided to take on, and trying to convince the ER Doctors, that I don't just drive the 50 minutes there to find solace and peace. I really have sick kids who need something. Imagine that.

The snow did finally melt, rendering us able to once again walk on the roads without fear of losing life or limb. Which is always good for fat roll removal. I'm down to 159. And my goal is 140. Think I can do it? Let's all say it with me. I think I can, I think I can. If my petition to get Pizza put on the acceptable dieting food list goes through, I will be one step closer to where I need to be. If not, I may have to settle for this. Either way. The pizza stays.

Ok. A few layouts. I ask that you not point and throw sticks, they are far from what I would normally consider post-able layouts, but with all the Havoc that was being reeked upon us, I had to settle for less than my best.



yes. Once again, I've managed to create more layouts with 1 photo, than those with more. I tried. Honest. I tried really hard.

We had some fun over the weekend and threw a party for Charity. We kept it to the minimum in people and invited my friend Courtney, and her lovely children. Who really are lovely. I'm not mocking. Honest. My kids and hers get along smashingly, so I figured why mess with a good thing. There is only 1 month left of school, and then begins the fun of an Alaskan summer. We'll do things like, go fishing, camping, try not to get run down by moose and other Alaskan wildlife that may or may not be friendly.

See, we love animals here on the Kirby plantation. But teaching the kids that petting large things, like moose, is taking some time. I for one would be absolutely scared to death of a moose at their age. They however, not so much. Take for instance, last week, when this giant creature began tapping on the glass with it's large and in chargeness, begging to come in. ( Pay no mind to the windows that need washed like 100 times over. ) It's Alaska, clean windows are the least of our concerns. So. This beast, saying hi, and all of a sudden, My children, decide to open the window, to pet him! Pet. Yes. Like, it's a bunny, that will wrinkle it's nose at you. I don't think so children. Moose are not our friends. Lucky for them, the moose was more scared of them, then they were of it, and no harm was befallen. I just have to make sure next time Molly the moose, ( a name they so aptly chose for the creature with the large nostrils) comes back. I am there. To thwart the play date attempts. Yes. That is what I must do.

It's probably more information than you care to have, but I've locked myself in the bathroom to keep the howler monkeys at bay while I pretend to go to the bathroom. I however think they're onto me, and know I'm not actually relieving myself, so tis probably best I open the door and face the world with a smile. Or something somewhat resembling one. I don't know that I could force one today if I tried. I have alot of catching up on emails, and layouts to do, not to mention the household chores that are beckoning with the same amount of enjoyment as a can of Diet Pepsi. But I'm going to drive forward. I must. I cannot afford to give up. Yet. =)

Ruth. Ya dead Mon?

Update your blog loser. I do believe those were her exact words. SO. In an effort to appease the one friend I do have, and not being one to let down my favorite people, I offer you, updates.

1. Charity's appointment went as well as can be expected. She is testing about 1 year below her age for all except her social skills. Came by that one honestly. She's my kid. They've got her with a speech therapist, a fine motor skills therapy session, some much needed behavior therapy, and a developmental pediatrician. And all I have to do, is drive her the 45 minutes to her appointments. Thank goodness it's not winter anymore. OH WAIT!!, update number 2.

2. It snowed 18 inches over the course of the weekend. I pulled in Friday night, after a girls night out, gone somewhat wrong, and was unable to move my car This morning, due to the sheer amount of snow piling itself around my wheel wells. Don't you just love spring? Spring in Alaska. When you don't use your snow blower anymore, BECAUSE it's covered with snow.

Ah yes. These are good times. And I am clearly not going anywhere until I dig my car out. Rest assured, if you need me, I'll be here.

3. Even though "spring" isn't really here, the fact is,  in most parts of the northern hemisphere, people are doing spring cleaning. Us Kirby's are doing the same. I've never been a fan of this wretched time of year. Taking all the crap out of ones house, and kicking up dust bunnies which will surely render my eyes watery, and my throat closed, sounds like fun certainly, I'd rather Jazzercise in my two piece. BUT, the fact is, my father has invited several women, who are actually very nice people, I can't complain, to come stay in the casa de Kirby for a few weeks starting the end of May. Sounds swell. EXCEPT. This house holds 15 people, is 25 years old, and could stand for some TLC. Guess who gets to be the Loving Carer? Bingo Johnny, what do we have for her. A whole lotta housework, and very little thanks in return. I'm excited. Can't wait. So much so, I'm already faking an illness.  Tomorrow we begin the painting portion. This can only end in tears.

4. My operation fatrolls, is in severe distress. The onslaught of snow has left the roads a treacherous feat for even the most padded of runners, and I've been forced to turn to alternate methods of weight loss. As starvation was a no go, I made it until 9:21. I woke up at 9:15. I've decided to call for reinforcements. This new plan called for, buying a pair of really cute pants in a size smaller than what I actually wear, in hopes of tricking my body into wanting to wear said pants, and having the weight just fall off. What the plan failed to take into account, was that Ruth might jump the gun, and attempt to put these pants on, only to pop the button, making them completely unable to close. I will get into them one day. It might involve some vasoline and a pair of jumper cables, but there will be fittage. Just you wait. I could also use some advice on what I like to call, my "I might be 26, but  my upper arms compare to that of a 76 year old, upper arm problem. Case in point... THAT. Bow to stern, that upper arm must be at least 12 inches across. How does one combat such an atrocity? Weights? Push-ups? Surgery? DO tell. It's a problem. A Large one.

5. Birthday time is upon us. This part of the year always reeks havoc on my budget, and my party planning skills, not to mention not only is it my daughters birthday, it's the population of just about all those residing within these walls' birthday too. That leaves us with the always looming problem. What to do? Charity would probably be content with some cake to call her own, and a .25 high flying bouncy ball from old navy. I however, am trying to encourage some of that social stuff she actually excels at, and have her a party. But where? With what? Birthday's anymore are like weddings, only messier. You can't just say, meet us at burger king. We'll split some chicken tenders, and call it a day. Oh no. There must be cake's, bouncy toys, presents, pizza, clowns, lawyers, permission slips, dry clean only dresses, and heaven forbid we dispense with the formalities, and not send invites via email too. I can't do it cap-tuhn. I don't Ave the powuh. I think we may just buy some trick candles, and occupy them that way. Kidding. Kind of. Point is, it's alot of work for something she's not likely to remember. Suggestions are always welcome.

The saddest of updates, is that it's also my mom's birthday this month. Never before has her absence been so apparent. We really are managing as well as can be expected. We do what has to be done, and we put on a good front, but sometimes, it's like the bonus footage around here. The behind the scenes stuff you don't see, until you buy the DVD. When someone calls, and asks my 6 year old brother if they can talk to his mom. When the voice-mail from the phone kicks on, and her voice says,  just leave a message. When people who don't know, mention my mother, What do you say to that? I usually just smile, and say, she's doing good. Because deep down, I know she is. I hear it gets easier with time, and I'm certain that's true. I guess there's just a moment every once in awhile, I could walk into her room, and see her smile. Tell her how I'm dealing with the things I'm being faced with. Show her how much my baby looks like her. Which is really something special if you ask me, Looking into her sweet face, seeing so much of my mom.

I hate to end on a sad note, so I will say, my LT kit is on it's way, and I plan to scrapbook some more of my mom this week, maybe a little personal stuff about yours truly. I rarely scrap that. So maybe it's time. Might help air some things out I've been holding in. And just because, I'm a sucker for funny kids. I offer you Mia. Who's obvious position as an Akers/Kirby kid has just been secured. She knows exactly where to find the best treats for snacking. Why inside the couch. But of course ; ) Stay tuned for layouts. I'm sure you can hardly wait ; )