Learn to Swerve.

This just in.

I've been so busy avoiding the crime section of the newspaper, and trying to keep my head above water lately, that I've yet to update on some of the awesome things transpiring in my life.

1. I've lost 6 pounds. No need to clap, it appears to all have come from the left side of my chest, and nowhere else. With this new found weight loss, I also got a diagnosis of melanoma, on the right breast. Seems both of them have decided to revolt against not only staying firm, but also against being aesthetically pleasing. I HAD A small piece of a growing mole removed, and they've yet to confirm whether or not it is something to worry about. I'm sure since it's the military, and it has nothing to do with stolen property at the value of $5.99, it will take them weeks to get back to me. A photo of me. Attempting to show the weight loss, but really only looking as if I'm being moved about by puppet strings. I never was good at the whole full body shot thing.

2. The kids are doing great. Not misbehaving as much as usual. It's the whole Halloween thing I think. Aubree made the executive decision last week that She no longer wanted to be cute, she wanted to be "Sassy". So she picked out a cute hair cut, and went with it. I happen to think it makes her look about 6 years older than she should, but she sports it well.
She refuses to get her photo taken anymore. She can't be bothered with such things. Hers is a hard lot in life. It's a wonder she manages to stay so slim with all the stress she carries.

3. Mike is getting ready to leave. Doing the things necessary to embark on yet another unnecessary absence to a country half-way around the world.
. With moving comes the obvious loathesome task of packing the whole house. It's times like this I wish I had adopted a much more minimalist lifestyle at a younger age. We've done 1 closet and already have 5 boxes. It's going to be a long 2 months.

4. Charity is speaking in sentences which is amazing in and of itself. She has no desire to pee or poop on the potty chair. EBA. (Her words, not mine). If I can find a college willing to let her bring her own pull-ups, I'll write it off as a learning experience, and move on to Mia. Who needs to be potty trained? Really?

5. Mikey is pretty much ready to move out on his own. He's only home when we lock the doors and force him to stay indoors with the threat of groundation to his room if he chooses not to listen. I don't ever remember being as social as he seems to be when I was younger. I don't even have a current photo of him, as he literally wishes to be playing and or riding bikes from the minute he gets off the bus, until he's forced to use a flash light to find his way home. He's behaving awesome though, and is reading like a champ. (You'll note that's my genes there, Mike hates to be bothered with such things as books.)

6. Miss Mia is still 12 pounds and holding. She does however eat pretty much 24 hours a day. I've taken to supplementing her as my days of lounging around the house in a bathrobe don't allow for much to get done. I figure she's still getting the breast milk, I'm just adding a bit more. I can't figure out where it's going though. She's not getting any bigger, and it's certainly not helping her grow hair. If it wasn't for the pink bracelet people might think she was a boy.
Truth be told, they still think she's a boy, just a boy who's fond of the color pink.

I hate to end it on 6, because that really isn't even an appealing number. But lack of anything interesting to report leads me to believe it's best to end it here.

I've looked at all the questions, and started answering them. I want to answer them all, and will then let the winner of the best question know, so that she might enjoy the fruits of her labor.

If you need anything from me, scrapbook related or otherwise, please send me an email. I'm literally drowning inthe river that is my life this week. So I might need to be asked more than once.

I hope you all have a happy halloween, and don't hesitate to dress up. I'm going as a desperate housewife. bathrobe, curlers, my mini skirt, and a pair of stiletto heels. ( I'm certain I won't actually go through with it, but the idea is really very tempting). I'll be back before too long with pages, and more food for thought. Or maybe I'll just be back with food. Who really knows. Either way. Have a Happy Halloween = )

Ruth goes to Prison. A story. In 3 parts.

*please note this story, is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

I was arrested today. Yes. I was. For what Ruth? HAving too many kids? It's crazy, but it's not a crime?

Drug dealing?

Murder?

Horrid acts of unspeakable violence? What on earth could Ruth possibly be arrested for. She's harmless really.Well. I'll tell you. I was arrested for SHOPLIFTING. Ok. Ok. I see I've piqued your interest.

Let me explain.

I learned a long time ago that taking my kids to the store with me, was not only a bad idea, but it was likely to end in tears. However, most of you know, that didn't stop me. Nope. NOt I. Perserverance, that's my motto. SO today, started out like any other day. I showered. I ate breakfast. I drank a diet coke. I dressed in something that was probably made for a 21 year old, I donned the childrens clothes. I ate some more. I did some laundry. Did some scrapbook pages. And I decided to go to the store. So far, so good. Nothing out of the ordinary.

We loaded up the kids. We being, me and Mike. He was home for the day. We went to wal-mart where we got an oil change, and we schmebbed about doing what people like us do at wal-mart. We picked up our car, and we headed to the PX. The PX for those of you not in the military, that is the Post Exchange. A place to buy really cool stuff, tax free, and perhaps a bit cheaper. One of the perks for us who spend our lives dedicated to the military.

We went into the PX, the scene of the crime, and we began to look around. I looked at perfume, I looked at clothes, I looked at shoes. And I looked at rings. Not big expensive rings, the kind that you have to take loans out to purchase, not the kind that you propose with, but the kind that cost between $4-$7, also known as "fashion jewelry." I was looking for something to wear on my ring finger to keep the boys at bay, since my wedding ring is in 2 pieces in a ziploc bag. I realize my looks alone would suffice to prevent them from hitting on me, but one can never be too careful. I tried on several that were cute. I found one. I placed it in my cart. On top of all the coats, diapers, wipes, shoes, and misc. other supplies a mother of four brings with her to the store, and I continued on my sojurn. At this poing, Aubree of course had to pee, being that we were in public, and the bathroom is 1.5 miles from the destination of "you are here". I ask Mike if he wants to do it, either that or stay with the baby and Charity, he picks the lesser of the 2 evils, and we separate. Mike takes AUbree, and I begin to peruse the store. I look at magazines, I read about Britney and all that is her chaotic life. I read the top 3 secrets to losing weight. I disagree with all of them. I gazed at greeting cards, and I tried to calm down the 2 remaining children in my presence.

25 minutes after placing the item known from here on out as "the evidence", into my cart. I met back up with MIke and Aubree, ( I wasn't kidding about that bathroom). We talked for a minute, decided we didn't need to buy anything, and that we needed to get to Mikey's school ASAP to pick him up before he was forced to ride the bus, the bus that would arrive home before we did. We each grabbed a cart, and we pushed them out the door. We headed to the car. Where I grabbed the coats, diapers, wipes, purse, kids, and outer wear in the cart, placed them on the floor of the car, and got into the pathfinder. The "getaway car" apparently. Because one needs a getaway car when one is carrying an object of extreme worth. A total of $5.99.

We drive away. WE pick up our son, we head to the house. I drop off my kids and Mike, keep Mia, and begin the afternoon I so longed for, a trip to Target to return some pants that were actually too big for me. I arrive, I shop. I pay (see that, that part where I pay for my stuff, I tend to do that usually). I get in my car, and my phone rings.

"Ruth, this is Mike. The police are at our house to arrest you. You need to get home NOW."

"WHAT?, are you kidding me? Arrest me? What? OMGosh? WHat did I do?"

You stole something. Apparently. A ring? Does that sound familiar?

OH man. I suddenly realize what he is referring to, and I begin to explain, surely there must be a misunderstanding. He explains to me they have handcuffs, and they do not seem to be at all misunderstood. 

At this point, my hands are shaking, and I'm scaring the woman in the car next to me, as I begin to search through my purse, and the contents of my car, in search of the ring. The one that apparently is going to get me sent to jail. I don't see it. Of course.

Mike says they are willing to meet me at the police station to take me into custody. How thoughtful of them. I'm still searching my seats for "the evidence" 

I decide at this point I should probably head to the police station to give them my statement. My chances of going to jail are alot greater if I don't show up to explain myself.

I arrive in all my usual Ruth glory, baby in tow. They proceed to lead me down a long corridor and ask me to sit in a small room. They pull out papers for fingerprints, a camera for my mug shot, and a big burly fellow, proceeds to read me my rights. I begin to cry. THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING TO ME! I sign my name on a paper informing them that I know and understand my rights. I decline a lawyer. I didn't do anything wrong, I don't think I need to be defended.

I'm begin writing my statement on a piece of lined paper, trying to elaborate as much as possible, but really it was very simple. I forgot. That about summed it up. They take my military ID card and issue me a piece of paper saying I am no longer allowed to shop at the establishment. The paper I have to use states in big letters. SHOPLIFTER. I'm still beyond miffed at how this is my life.

Long story short, 6 hours later, I am released to my own recognisence. They make sure I am escorted out of the police station, and even open the door for me. I head home. Tears of course falling all the way. Pull into my driveway and begin to unload. My husband appears at my side with a military issue head-lamp to begin searching the car for "the evidence". I have barely taken off my shoes, and am sitting on the couch deciding if black and white are really my best colors, when Mike runs in, ring in  hand. IT was next to the carseats, wedged in the seat, he tells me. I immediately head back to the police station and walk  up to the desk sgt. I ask to see my "case worker". I hand him the ring, and begin to leave, and they tell me to stop.

I can hear over the loud speaker, which I'm certain is not supposed to be a loud speaker, but is just really turned up too high, the police officer talking to the man at the store, asking whether or not he wants to press charges. The conversation goes something like this.

"The lady with the ring, just brought it back.

Is it in the same condition?

Yes Sir.

Why did she put it in her pocket?

She didn't sir. It was on top of a jacket. She never placed it in her pocket.

WHAT? She never put it in her pocket?

NO Sir.

What? Then why did we say she stole it?

I don't know Sir.

I pretty  much want to eliminate any and every person involved with this situation at this point, yet I take a seat, and await the outcome.

Just as soon as I sit down, the man comes from the backroom with my file, and a shredder. He hands my ID, and informs me "We're very sorry for any inconvenience this might have caused."

You are free to go, no charges will be filed". Ya think? I don't even wait around for the rest of the apology I'm certain they had waiting for me. I walk into the night a free woman. Thinking once again how awesome my life is. I also vow never to put anything in my shopping cart again. EVER. Which is a shame really, because I do so love shopping carts.

As crazy as it was, I suppose it could have been worse. Alot worse. I'm just thankful I was able to come out a few pounds lighter, (amazing how being faced with prison time causes one to lose their appetite) and my kids are now alot more aware of what happens when you take something from a store. That can't be a bad thing.

I promise to stay out of trouble. at least for a few more days. I have so much to do, packing, creating, cleaning, things of that nature. But I felt the need to get this down, for posterity. Because if there is anything I want my kids to know, it's that a life long dream of mine has finally been realized. Me and Martha Stewart actually DO have something in common ; ) 

(P.S.) If I owe you an email. I'll get to it soon. I promise. Us "felons" are really busy people. 

Heck in a handbasket

I should have known better than to take a vacation. It ended up being 2 days of travel, one day of hanging out with a screaming mia attatched to my chest, and 4 days of cleaning up the aftermath of what appears to be a battle which suffered tragic losses in the form of throw pillows, the elusive clean bedroom, and stinky laundry. (" I didn't know I had to wash it, Ruth") Ugh. Oh well. I got to get away, and that, was worth it. Totally.

So, cleanliness aside, without further adieu I present, or should I say, Aubree presents, with all the cuteness that she doth posess, the winner,                                   ( If you look closely you will see the remnants of the "disaster" I spoke briefly of. It was worse. Much worse.)

Susan B!! Come on down. You get the prize for the drawing. The best question is still up for grabs, as I want to read them all. And have had like 4 seconds to sit down, not to mention tomorrow is my son's birthday party with 9 screaming 5 & 6 year olds, and far too many transformer themed decorations to contend with.                                                

I want to answer all these questions, so stay tuned for parts 1 & 2. Thank you for all the great questions, and I appreciate your patience as I dealt with the lovliness that is my life. IT always feels so good to get a break, but you wonder if it's really worth it when it takes a week to get life back together. Ok, yes. it was worth it. I didn't take a single picture though, I didn't want evidence to float to the surface later on down the road, you know. Those photos always come back to haunt you, don't they Gabriella?

Ok, well Susan, send me your address! The rest of you, give me a day to look at all these, and I will post the second winner soon. Sorry to keep you all waiting!

I'll speak more on life later, for now, Optimus Prime  is sound asleep in his bed, and I have a party to prepare. Enjoy your saturday =)

Off like a prom dress.

FIRST things first.

You guys are Frabulous. That's Freakin' fabulous for those not in the know.
I read those comments. And I'm going to print them. And make them into post it notes to put all over my husbands rear view mirror, so that he in fact appreciates me a little more. He'll most likely remove them and use them as helicoptor fuel, but I will have made my point. Thank you. Thanks. So much.

SEcond things second. Life is Out OF Control. ( a little random capitalization for my sister who hates my love of the Shift KeY)
And because we all know how Ruth is, (or do we?) I'm taking a very much needed VaCa. Ruth is running away to Mississippi. Back to my roots. Trying to get a tiny bit of mi time. (that's short for me and Mia, as she will also be going.)

I hope to make the 8 hour trip with her tomorrow morning. Wish me luck. Pray for me. Watch for me on 1-75. Just in case you don't recognize me without the kids, I'll be the one in the black pathfinder singing loudly.

All the stress and craziness is taking it's toll on my waist-line. It's either that or the Toll-house cookies. I'm not yet certain. That being said. I want to leave you all with an assignment.

I've got the mother load of scrapbook goodies here that I've put together over the past week and a half to thank you for the comments. Not wanting it to be just ANY random box. It contains something from every letter of the alphabet. I'll give you some hints.

A- American Crafts.
H-Hambly.
M-Making MEmories.
L-Love Elsie.
W-WE 'R memory keepers.

(And I've even got the X, and the Q covered! )

It's GOOD stuff. Like. Never opened, just released. GOOD stuff.
You will not be disappointed. All I ask, is that you, leave me with a question.

Something you might want to know about me. My kids. My husband. The industry. Anything you think I can answer. The originality of your question will have no bearing on who I choose, as it will be a drawing.

But, because I like to be fun. Let's do this; The best question will ALSO recieve a box. SOOO. Technically, I lied. Your question will have some bearing. But the drawing is also available. For those of you who wish to take the "no-thinking-involved" option. Either or people. Either or. All I need is A question. Any question. And the A-Z Raks are your incentive.

I'll be back Monday night, and will draw Tuesday... SO. Seriously.

Free stuff.
Hello.
Trust me.
You want to do this.

(And if you don't, you're one of those people who come here for the updates. Here's a suggestion:
CALL ME.)
Ok.

4 days. I'm Audi ;)