The cycle.

I don't know what to say. But thank you. Really.
I honestly never expected my quiet moments of anger and sadness put out on a blog to
reach out to so many people. I haave known for some time that my husband was leaving, I just didn't expect it to come as fast as it did.

I will be ok.
I am going to Alaska where I will be surrounded by my family, some awesome friends, and cold. What more can a heat hating, social butterfly, with a babysitting problem ask for?

I am on the mend. I am packing. I am cleaning. I am watching a little too much TV. I am having fun enjoying the things I should before I am left alone in my principles.

I have begun my phase of the cycle. The cycle. I'm a creature of habit. I am quite addicted to shopping. I mean, like if i had to pick between a diet coke no ice fountain, IN MY LIVING ROOM, and a days worth of shopping at no particular destination, I might be forced into a padded enclosure, because I would be that torn. However, being like most SAHM's with 4 children, and a less than stellar income, I usually have to decide when I have fun money, how I am going to spend it.

When I first joined the military, I was dunked into the world of "free money" with nothing of consequence to spend it on. I had no car payments, no bills, and nothing but the mall to my disposal. I shopped. ALOT. I still to this day find things that I remember buying, just because I had money. Sickening really.

After having Mikey, and having to resort to 1 income, and taking on new found "poundage", clothing was no longer something I enjoyed shopping for. I mean really, before 2005 plus size clothing meant T-shirts with cartoon characters on them, and stretch me pants with elastic stirrups to keep them from bunching at the muffin. SO. Began the cycle.

I started spending my money on the only person who I thought could appreciate it. My dear son.
I can honestly say, he had more clothes than any small person under 16 should ever be allowed to own. He didn't care. I didn't know how to take a decent photo for squat, and sadly, those clothes are now being sorted over at the local salvation Army, where I'm certain someone is wondering who in their right mind buys winnie the pooh embroidered pants for little boys. I claim no knowledge of these.
Point being. I had learned that I could shop for others, and still recieve the same amount of joy as if I were shopping for myself.

6 years down the road, the amount of children I have to shop for has greatly increased, and my budget is obviously a little more trimmed. It is a rarity for me to just wake up one day and say to myself "Self, today you are going to go hog wild and do nothing for anyone, BUT YOU". Well. Today, I did. And I have to say. I am really not at all ashamed.

I woke up, and went straight to the computer where I placed an order for the first time in 7 months!! HELLO. Withdrawls much? I bought fabulous printable swank labels at two peas. I bought Fancy Pants felt, and doiles, and www.amillionlittlethings.com. I went to hobby Lobby where I decided I absolutely HAD to have the Elsie stuff that I really never thought I needed. But I'm most excited about this Look up there in the corner. 4 oval and circle scalloped punches that are seriously making me giddy just to look at. I also had to stop myself at the scrapbook store when I got to the Papertrey ink section. Nichole HEady is a local celebrity here, who had I known had such fabulous stamps in her posession, I would have been delivering BFF necklaces, and store bought brownies to her door, in order to get a spot on her DT. I loved all of them but I stopped at the oval, just because shopping is fun, but it tends to lose it's luster when you spend the insurance and grocery money on adorable stamps. SO. I was thrilled about that.

I am a little scared that my cycle might not be so easy to move now that I have relished in the joy of spending on yours truly. I even got my toes done.... Ridiculous probably. I'm sure it'll be 20 below tomorrow just so I have to don winter boots to protect them from the cold, and noone will get to gaze upon them, but that's ok. They look cute.

At least I think so.

I'm supposed to be scrapbooking. Actually, being that it is almost 2am, I should be sleeping. But Mia is still convinced she was sent to earth to take over certain super-hero postions which might not be filled. As I type she is in the living room, assuming the hand up into the blue position. She does this for hours. It's half ninja, half superman. It cracks me up really.
I might laugh more, if she chose to do it in the hours of 11am-9pm. But, beggers can't be choosers. At least she's not crying. Silver lining, I suppose.

Ah well. Thanks again for all the sweet and awesome comments. I want to do a RAK here in a few days once I get some more stuff sorted through because I have an entire room of filth to load into a moving truck in about 2 months, and it's not all going with me. So. Keep an eye out.

Me and Mia the the Great, are off to bed. I will attempt to sleep, and she will most likely work on her magical sucking powers. Seems to be the only one she's interested in honing in on. Night =)

Comments

[Krystyn]

Don't you just LOVE Hobby Lobby? I was @ mine yesterday and got some AC Thickers on sale - yay! I didn't see any Love, Elsie goodies though. :-(

P.S. If I lived nearby I'd help you pack and get ready for AK. Hang in there!!

[Kristine]

Good for you! You deserved to have a day to do what you wanted... and you are allowed to express yourself too! way to keep your chin up dear.

[Amy Coose]

So glad you took a day for yourself!!! You so deserve it!!

[NikkiH]

Good for you for pampering your self and doing for you, don't you just love when you can do that. You sound very strong Ruth, in my eyes you are wonder woman, the girl who can do anything! Hang in there girl, your doing awesome!

Nikki

[Nicole N.]

You deserve to be treated every once and a while!!! I totally know the feeling, and I think I too purchased the same Winnie the Pooh pants for my DS#1 a few years ago. LOL

[Tammy H.]

Pretty toes!! That pic of Mia along with your description is hysterical! Keep on keepin' on!

[Ronda S.]

ROFLMAO @ "bunching at the muffin"!!! OMG you are too funny! Hope you dont mind if I add you to my blog list! LOVE LOVE LOVE your work too, by the way!

[Molly P]

I just saw that he is leaving and I am so so so sorry, Ruth! {{{{HUGS}}}}!!!! It's never easy being the military wife, but we trudge on and a bit of retail therapy is always in need! :D Miss you

[Kelly]

oh sure. dump me for nichole already ;)

[Laura Solomon]

Ruth, I just got back from a week out of town to read your (always amusing) blog. I read about Mike leaving back for Iraq and WOW... sorry. I can't imagine doing 15 months THERE or with 4 kids in Alaska :>)
BUT------> you are a strong and wonderful woman and Mike is a capable Soldier well protected by God :>)
My thoughts are with you.
Keep strong.
xox LL

[Julia]

Yeah for shopping goodies. Those punches ARE THE BEST!!! No doubt! I can't wait to see what you do with the Love Elsie line..so please post some! And I can relate on shop for everyone but you...but lately..Old Navy is my friend! :-)