Learn to Swerve.

Say what?

Mikey and me are talking in the car about how to drive a real car today, and I was telling him about turn signals,and brakes and he says:

" I can't wait to get older so I can drive a real car:

AUbree bursts in with:
" and get boobs".

Excuse me? What posessed that?
Not to mention, if she paid any attention to her family tree she'd notice that when they were passing out breasts, we thought they said rest, and we all fell asleep. Thats one thing she can cross of her list of things to look forward to. ( I hope I didn't offend anyone, I just thought it was SO random.)

We are then at the grocery store and I am doing the good mom thing and asking the kids deep life questions, while I fill the cart with wholesome things like strawberries, apples, and Cookie Crisp ceral.
"What do you guys want to be when you grow up?". Aubree wants to be a Dancer, go figure, and Mikey thinks long and hard.
"I really want to work at the Dollar Tree." He's so serious.

ETA* (I made a layout to document, as I rarely remember these funny things)

I'm saving how much a year in your college fund? Perhaps we'll just go on vacation.

Mike of course put the perfect ending to my off the wall out of nowhere kind of day when we were folding laundry from the bed, and he asks me with a blank expression: "Have you been doing your kegals?"

Um.CAn you repeat that? It sounded like you asked me about Kegals? 
Maybe I need my ears checked. Perhaps he needs his senses checked.

I'm totally excited today because I used some of the "Uncle Sam thanks you for serving your country in a tax free zone", tax return to buy some stuff I've been eyeing.

My iMac . How fabulous is this?
I may even be able to come to you LIVE. In color. If I can figure out the inhouse video camera.

2 camera gadgets. THis lens: The 85 1.8,

and my SB-800 speedlight.

I wanted to get the D200 but several people talked me down until I can get a better grasp of what I'm doing. That and Mike said "$1500 for a camera?. Been there done that Ruth. Try again." SO close.

LAstly I got a few fun maternity clothes for CHA and am hoping they arrive before I leave. The potato sack I intended to wear and dress up with rub-ons and ribbon, might be a bit unsuitable for the dinners and get togethers.
I just hate those months when you're pregnant but you don't really look it, where your belly is too big to hide but not big enough to scream I'm a baby. So people just smile and secretly wonder why my cart doesn't have Kashi Go lean in it, instead of Cinnamon toast crunch.

Ah well. I hope the goods arrive before I leave. I hate when Mike gets my mail. NOt that he goes through it or anything but SAHM's know the one joyous thing you get to do is walk out the door and get the mail. Packages especially. I think it would be fun to just order empty boxes and have them sent to myself so I can ensure I get good mail. I'm sick like that.

Its so close to CHA I'm doing that last minute cleaning and putting away of anything I want to be in one piece when I get home. Mike is such a good dad, he just pays NO attention to the little things. "What do you mean they can't eat pizza and popsicles on the white couch?". (No. we don't have a white couch.)
For that very reason.

And cleaning. Don't even ask. I have a carpet dirt radar a mile long, Mike thinks if its not poisonous it can stay. But, in his defense, the kids will recieve love and plenty of quality time with their dad. ( I love you babe) They adore him, so I guess I can just relax.Speaking of relax, I've been staying up way too late these past few days, and getting up way too early. So I best be gettin, while the sleep gettin's good.

Can't wait to see some of you! Those not going, I promise to think of you as I write orders. Have a good next few days. I'm Audi!

Mutiny.

Seriously. The kids have declared mutiny, and have started taking matters into their own hands. Charity being the first. She decided today to put a stop once and for all to AUbree telling her no she can't play with the fake foods. She removed her diaper and did her business in the "kitchen center" while I was getting ready for a Meeting, (did I mention I'm the new Young Women's president!!) I cleaned it up and sanitized the foods, but Aubree is a little more apt to share after seeing Charity make her statement. I wanted to start potty training her by now, but being that she knows 2 words, none of them being, I, have, to, or pee, I think my plans may be extended further.

Aubree has made it clear that she will never dance, (said as she threw herself onto her freshly made bed with one tap shoe and white tights that appeared to have been hers on her blessing day.) Her physical is still 5 weeks away, and I can't convey to tri-care how important it is that I not look like a liar. She has to get in I said. They said to take a number.

An oil change that should have taken an hour, turned into the AKers do Wal-mart, thanks in part to the lack of people with the ability to change oil showing up to work, and me not being able to scale the beams which my car was on top of to say, no thanks, I'll just go elsewhere. I do however love that wal-mart is the one place where you can say, have a picnic in the automotive section, and no one even bats an eye. Can you imagine If I opened granola bars and fruit juice in Target and proceeded to take a seat with my new issue of Sew Simple? Can we say security to aisle 4.

I was there from noon to 4, which I'm sure you can guess is FAR. TOO. LONG. Good thing my kids are into cheap entertainment. 2 .97 cent matchbox cars, and a piece of bubble wrap for Charity. Life is good.

I am so not ready to leave for CHA, my list is growing of things i need to get done, and I know Mike is planning to have sort of mental breakdown to prevent me from boarding the plane. For the favorite parent, he sure is a wuss.

"What if I need to go somewhere"
"What will we eat"
"How will I brush all their teeth."
"What will they wear."

I just want to smile and say, welcome to my LIFE. I have no doubt the house will be redone in marker and play-doh and Mike will be waving a white flag while sporting his military dress on the couch when I return. He can fly multi-million dollar machines with his eyes closed, yet 3 kids is sure to be his undoing.

If you're going to CHA, you must come say hi at one of the many get togethers. I love to put faces with names, and love to talk. I hope not to get into too much trouble. Working and all. Me trying to chat.

Its totally 1:21 am, and I just started an American crafts layout. It however appears to be giving me the finger, so I'm going to hit the hay.

Ciao. My ever loyal readers. You guys are the best =)
(  the last few layouts from some I did the past few weeks)

The fabric of our lives.

I have a confession to make. About 2 months ago, I stumbled across the blog of a fellow scrapbooker. This scrapbooker, (who won't be named for her protection) led me to the photo of something that I Ruth Akers, as a hoarder of all things cute, had to have. Amy Butler Belle Fat Quarters. I spent the better part of 2 weeks SEARCHING the Internet for said fat quarters. I searched ebay, the fat quarter shop, and all other venues with the words FAT, and Quarter in them. Needless to say, I was searching through alot of weight loss sites. NOne of which cost anything close to $.25 Cents. 

After much trial and tribulation, I found what I was looking for. I placed an order. AnorderforabouttwohundreddollarsmorethanwhatIintendedonspending. I got my fabric yesterday. Guess what. The Amy Butler was no longer in stock.  GO figure. So now. You're  probably wondering. Ruth, what are you going to do with all that fabric? Weell. I've got big plans. See. I'm going to make something.

Whats that? Oh, yes, of course I remember that 7th grade year of Junior high. The year that I realized me and Girl Scouts were no longer meshing, and in order to convince my mother I had learned all I needed to, and to free me from the blue badge covered vest which haunted my early teen dreams, I had to finish a project.. 1 badge. I chose sewing. The last requirement involved 2 things. MAKING, (meaning sew in case you didn't get that) an outift, ALL by myself. And 2. (this is where it got scary).WEARING said outfit.

Well. being that the sewing gene, (along with the cooking, the housekeeping, and laundry folding gene) are missing from my DNA. I took to the task with worry and fear. I chose a pattern that was nothing more than a front, back and sleeves. Simple A line with a little scoop neck. I was ready for the challenge. IT however was so not ready for me.

I took 3 weeks out of my busy 7th grade schedule and made my "dress". We're going to refer to it as the "dress", but I assure you, it was Nothing like one. It more or less resembled what I can only assume the kool aid man would wear, were he a cross dressing, housewife who's only clothes consisted of a house-dress, and a robe. It was a square with sleeves. I bought one of those cute little clips at 5-7-9 that were all the rage back then, and put it on the back to try and fancy the "dress" up.

  IT looked like I had a short black ball gown with the ruffles meeting in the back. I was dying.

As the badge required. I had to wear the dress. (see this is where me and girl scouts had different opinions of what wearing the dress meant. I wanted to wear it to the mirror and back, and call it a day. They, (they being my mother, who was at the time, my girl scout leader) decided I had to wear it to SCHOOL. Oh yeah. School baby. Hello. Teen angst meets house-dress gone wrong.

I said I'd do it. I arrived at school on the day in question, and wearing the "dress" went to my locker and attempted to cover the atrocity with my over sized Guess backpack. NO. SUCH. LUCK.

I was spotted. Spotted by none other then Elizabeth. The girl everyone wanted to be. You know what she said? You wanna know? She asked me if my house burned down.(insert red mortified shocked look mixed with a bit of how stuck up can you be ) I called my mom before homeroom bell, and told her the deal was off. I'd stay a girl scout. If we burned the dress.

WE gave it away to the Salvation army and me and girl scouts parted ways when my mom got pregnant with baby #8.

The reason I bring this up, is I'm going to sew something. Not a dress. There are lines I refuse to cross. But I can't decide on a purse, a quilt or a pot holder. I love fabric and have always had a soft spot for beautiful prints, I just never saw the need to spend money on something with such bad memories. However, enough time has passed, that I feel comfortable heading back to the sewing machine... With pattern in hand, and fabric at the ready. I will conquer the fear that is my sewing skills. I plan to show you what I create. I bet you can't wait.

=( A little...

Got some downer news today. Involving the little secret from MT I shared a few months ago. Freestyle 2 is no more. Just the nature of the business beast, styles and what not. Timing. Things like that. Of course I'm a little disappointed, but I did have an amazing opportunity and I am so grateful. I can't share the layouts but suffice it to say they are some of my favorites and I hope they will eventually get to be gazed upon.

Speaking of gazed upon. I took the 4 hour trip to the stool in my kitchen yesterday to get my hair redone for CHA(I love having a live in hair dresser!) I have pretty much gotten myself into the position of not being able to do anything else to it except dye it black, which, Britney Spear ruined for me, and pregnant woman everywhere. SO its the same purpleish red mixed with blonde and brown. I took a small picture in my glorious mirror I have no clue how to get my whole face without it getting blurry and such, so botox face it is. just a trim, AUbree got one too.

"just like you she said". Minus the skunk streaks, and darkhair, and side bangs. Well its nothing like mine really. This is her," I'm not that innocent face"  Caught this right after she high kicked Mikey for looking at her. Such sweet angelic children. Shame they can't get along.

GOsh. I have nothing really fantastic to share. How often does that happen?
I've wasted my day sitting on the couch in my robe, looking at my watch wondering when the cleaning lady was coming. Mike informed me at 11pm, we don't have a cleaning lady. Deedgum. Looks like I'm going to be doing that laundry myself.

I've got a beeeelion things to do this weekend, yet the couch looks like a great place to sit with my bottled water and hershey's miniatures. Bring a pizza and you're welcome to join me. Still debating HOF. I know. Procrastinate is my given name. I prefer it to Ruth actually. I've got some ideas, but I wonder if HOF is really what I want? Listen to me, talking like I've got a chance to win. This is just my last chance. If I don't do it this year, I'm certainly not going to do it with Mike deployed and 4 kids. Maybe I'll think it over with my latest issue of Scrapbook trends.

As promised...

A few sneak peeks from some layouts Idid this week for various projects...

Remeber the Gap genes? I did a layout with new PS papers. sOme of my favs. Totally cute colors, and perfect for those boy pages. This is the RUgged line.

This is from my eye candy kit. Totally not my usual as I am drawn to lighter colors, but I love how it challenged me. All about those 4 that make my life worth living.

This is another from the kit.

All about my "twins" 23 years apart. THey are so much alike down to the nail biting to the nubs. Love my boys.

This is my little niece

Rebekah, using new paper salon. I was scared of the papers at first because I am usually a flower kind of girl, but I think it turned out cute? LAst one for today about my style maven. SHe loves to be chic, even if I can't get her to brush her hair. This is Paper Salon Blossom papers, and new tin stamps down the side. I have more later this week. THanks for looking!

24/7-360

DO you suffer from annoying husbands, constantly asking for more chores to do? Is that little one always under foot begging to please help keep the house clean? Looking to get a break, and want the household tasks ALL to yourself??

Introducing the all new, X-box 360. Guaranteed to get those pesky helpers out of your hair for at least 7 hours a day. Named for its ability to keep your family glued to its screen 360 days a year, (holidays are available but we find promising all the days of the year might get us into some legal trouble.) This wonderful machine not only leaves you alone in making dinner, and sorting laundry, but has the ability to make those ones you love, COMPLETELY immune to your talking. How's that for fun?

But that's not all. If you act now, we will throw in an extra controller for that mini-me who used to be so interested in school work and playing outside!!( please note extra controller is not free, by throwing it in, we mean we'll add 49.99 to your tab!!)  What? you want more... Call in the next 2 hours and we'll GIVE you, at no extra charge,  not one, but 2 empty soda bottles. FOr what you might ask?

Your loved ones will be SO addicted to the games we offer,  bathroom breaks will become a nuisance, and these easy to use bottles will enable them to STAY on the couch while keeping their time free from that bothersome task of going to the latrine.

This remarkable product also has a wireless controller allowing the players to not be disturbed by small children walking in front of them and tripping over the cords. No need to pay them any attention, merely stand and swerve to avoid TV screen blockage!

We are SO sure you will hate er... we mean LOVE our product that we have made it so you can't return it, unless of course its unopened. BUt we know that your man will have it opened before he even hits the parking lot, calling his buddies to schedule a time to meet for a live gaming opportunity.

Yes ladies. This here's the product for you. Unless of course you like help around the house, and want more than 2 minutes of silence in your nightly ritual. If that's the case, the X-box 360 is not considered your best bet.

(seen here are my 2 addicts in what I call perfect gaming attire). NOtice the look of pure hate on DH's face? That's because I threatened to sell the thing on ebay if he didn't get some control. ( I think his response was something to the tune of, when you pry it from my cold dead fingers?) How about sleeping pill induced sleep. Eh mike?.. Ok Totally kidding.

They have toned it down, I guess I just don't see the appeal of this thing. DH wanted one and got one for his Christmas present, and frankly, its not my favorite thing ever. Oh well. After seeing this post I'm sure he'll be willing to negotiate.

Charity is feeling better, and the house (aside from my scrapbook room) is somewhat under control. Woman vs. Scraproom isn't going as well as I planned. Turns out trying to lock oneself in a room with 3 kids running amuck (not to mention there are no doors as it all leads to the next room) is just asking for them to poke their heads in (or run through)  every chance they get, "mom, you done, can I have a snack,  but its on the top shelf, are there crayons in there, can we help, are you done yet. MOm. MOM. AH. Mom's on a leave of absence, go find father. He's on the couch with Mikey. Where they were 12 hours ago.

WOw. I Love it. Yes I do. Wouldn't trade it for anything. Except maybe a week at a spa. 

AWWW> You guys.

16 comments. Really. I'm totally smitten. Thank you for your comments, and suggestions. I really have never even paid attention to naysayers, I admit though, I am a rubber necker. I went there on a whim, and have removed it from my bookmarks. Too much good to focus on. I don't need that.
I meant to post sooner, but well. The design teams I DO have are keeping me busy with CHA goodness. This girl who takes 3 days to do 1 layout. Was forced to do her share in a matter of less than a week. On top of that. My adorable cuteness of a daughter has pneumonia, and was just released from the hospital. So your prayers are appreciated. She's so full of life despite  her 3 word vocabulary at 21 months. I hate to see her sad, and when she's sick she's just not my little ball of energy. Spongebob is one of the words she actually says, and you know she's sick when evern that word doesn't elicit a response. It should be good soon, but as any mother seeing your baby sick is the worst. I have alot to share but my baby needs some cuddles.I'll have a TON of layouts to share this week so keep your eyes open. That is, if you want to see them. If not, close away. Night =)

Against my better judgement...

I went to THAT place. The mean one. The one that makes honest good scrapbookers feel like they don't don't deserve to live. No. I don't mean Wal-mart.

I mean That blog. ***Shivers***

I'm a big girl. Really. I've worn big girl panties since I grew out of the cute frilly ones with nothing but strings and triangles I wore in Tech School. Man, those were good days.

I guess what gets me the most about these things, these critical blogs, is the amount of pure Malarkey that they spew forth. Like me with my 7th Concurrent Design team. And my poor kids who are going to end up in Juvie. (If they knew my kids, they'd know Juvie would send them straight to the big house.)
And my husband who's going to leave me. Shame he does, every other year for a year.

I went on to a friend of mine for an hour, and then attempted to tell my husband, who's only response was. "If I Ieft, who would wash my clothes?"  Sensitive man. Blessed to have him.

I know I'm far from the victim. I bring alot of this on myself. It just boggles my mind really. I''m one of those people who tried to befriend the TI in basic training. I like to be LIKED. Knowing that people don't like me. Crushes me a little. Just a tad. Of course, I'm a mom, and being hated comes with the territory, so I'm okay with it. Had they said something truthful like Ruth needs to go on a diet, or "someone please tell that girl her roots are showing." I'd be the first to say Amen. But then people would agree and what kind of train wreck would that be?

Ah well. I don't have time for blogging. What with Mikey's Parole Officer showing up at 8, and Aubree's bail to raise. I Suppose I should get back to scrapbooking away my days and nights. After all. There are about 25 more DT's out there, that I haven't tried out for.

(see. I'm totally over it).

Thanks so much really for all of you who say nice things, and leave me comments, and continue to have faith in my abilities, even when I don't. Its never been in my nature to bail out over a few comments from anonymous fancy onlookers. So. I will go down with this ship.

Ahoy Mate.

I used to think.

It was funny when people said "save the drama for your mama".
Ever since I became the MAMA. I'm not laughing.

Oh bother...

Pooh said that. And Poo said I.

I cannot figure out this darn blog for the life of me. Adding new friends? Not me. Adding side bars? Are you kidding. What gives. I got good grades in school. I should be able to work this.

Not to mention my kids were officially sent from the ninth realm of the planet bad  today. Even the woman in Target was like, "your kids. SO Not cool".

She didn't say it, but her eyes did. I saw it. If I wasn't purchasing my car payment in goods, she most likely would have asked me to return when my kids had some medicated sleep.

I actually left Aubree in the cart and told her until she started acting like my good girl she wasn't getting out. BAD idea. No shoes and a parking lot incident later, we were on our way home. Funny how when you NEED life to work with you, it laughs and starts enlisting its friends to thwart your good intentions:

I was going to run on the treadmill.
I was going to read 2 chapters in my new book.
I was going to finish 2 layouts for Eye Candy
I was going to put away 16 suitcases of pure junk that my mother brought to me in Florida.
I was going to send off the CHRISTMAS cards I bought with the $4.78 wal-mart pictures.
I was going to take photos of Cherry in her new The childrens Place outfit I bought for $5.99. TOTAL cuteness. No joke. The price tag made it that much more photo worthy.
I was going to try out my new lens.
I was going to put away the laundry.
I was going to replace all the poo crap toys with the new ones santa brought the chitlens.

Instead.

I made frozen corn and bagged chicken for dinner, and listened to my husband scream insults at the Gators while his team got their butt handed to them on a gold platter.
Aubree organized all my paper salon goods by ones that start with my "yetter" and ones that don't. SInce Paper Salon doesn't start with A, nothing was organized. At all. I should have had her organize AMerican Crafts.
NOw its 10:31 and I sit on my ever widening rear planning tomorrow. ITs going to be good. I can feel it. Actually, that feeling is a misplaced ink pad. Not looking like tomorrows going to be promising either. CHA. I can't wait.